I saw my doctor on Tuesday for a routine physical. She has been my primary doctor since I moved up here over 4 years ago and knows ALL I have been through. She looked me in the eye and seriously asked me, “Susan, are you happy?” And I replied, “You know, I really am." Nothing is perfect. My house could be cleaner. I could be more organized. But the boys are happy and healthy and things are just really great now. That night, after the boys have gone to sleep and I’m washing the dishes, I got to thinking about something. So I went to Bobby, who was on the computer, and I opened up the conversation with, “I’m not trying to get on your case but I need to honestly know how you feel about something.” So I ask him and he becomes defensive and starts yelling at me. In the end, after my tears, I did have a better understanding about Bobby’s thoughts and feelings. I apologized to him, explaining to him again I wasn’t trying to attack him but I just wanted to know how he felt. He did not apologize back to me, for all his yelling, and I tried to let it go and I just went back to cleaning the house. I decide to take half a sleeping pill, since I didn’t sleep well the last night and figured I would have too much on my mind to sleep well on my own. But I wake up groggy. I manage to send a text to my friend to tell her that I can’t run at the lake because I don’t think I can drive. I lay in bed a little longer, hoping my daily morning headache will go away and I’ll have the strength to get up. I do get up and I just have no desire to talk to Bobby, but somehow I manage to put is all at the back of my head. It’s a hot day by the afternoon and the boys are all at home and have been trying my patience. But I survive with minimal yelling and I didn’t have to put any of them in a time out. But by the time they’re in bed, I’m done. I really don’t want to do anything. But the dishes need to be washed, especially the thermoses and containers the boys use daily for their lunches. So I wash dishes. Last night’s argument is still in the back of my head but I don’t want to deal with it. We still had to give our cat her daily fluids via IV and I was just tired. Took another pill and went to bed. Today, I was woken up at 5:30am by our carbon monoxide detector. Luckily, it only chirped because it needed a new battery. I get up to take care of and lay back down next to Bobby, who is still snoring. And I don’t really fall back asleep but I rest. Then got up for our usual morning routine, but today (every Thursday and Friday) I work at the preschool. A kid or two had a bad moment but overall, a good day there. Then I go to pick up Alex from school. I check his backpack and his thermos is missing. I tell him and Will that we need to go back to class to get it. Alex starts crying and screaming because he doesn’t want to go back. So (despite my bad back) I carry him to inside the school, then I put him down where he continues to cry in the hallway. I make it to his class and he comes running over. We look for his thermos and it’s missing. (We suspect it was accidentally placed in the wrong backpack.) Alex loses it and throws himself on the ground, screaming. I try to explain to him that it’s lost right now but we’ll try to find it the next time we come to class, and he just wouldn’t listen. So I drag him by his arm back to the car (Will is happily running along with us) and Alex is still screaming. We get in the car and I put on Toy Story 2 on the DVD player to see Alex will stop crying. He doesn’t. Then Will starts yelling that he can’t hear the movie. Alex continues to cry for another 10 minutes until we get home, asking for his thermos. We get home and I give him one of the extra thermoses we have. He continues to cry. THANK GOODNESS his therapist arrived! We gave him a few more minutes and then she was able to distract him and redirect him and he stopped screaming. And then Harrison comes home (thank goodness my friend was able to pick him up from school this afternoon) and he sees that Alex’s therapist has made a special reward chart for using the potty, just for Alex. Included, is a bag of toy frogs. Alex will get a frog after 5 attempts. Of course, Harrison wants a frog, too. And I explained to him they’re for Alex. And now Harrison’s pouting and saying, “That’s not fair!” Of all the 4 men in the house, Will is the only one that hasn’t given me any grief in the last couple of days. Although today isn’t over yet. (Sigh.) Well, I’m off to cook dinner for the boys. AND cook a separate dinner for Bobby, since his doctor wants him to start eating healthier. And then, I’ll wash the dishes. Hmmmm….what are the odds that I’ll take another sleeping pill tonight?!?!?!
I was just about to post what I wrote above when Harrison runs into the room to tell me that Alex took off his pull-up and smeared poop on our couch. F*@k.
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