Where did my maternal heart go today?

Today, June 7, 2012, was a huge day for our family.  The twins, Alex and Will “graduated” from their preschool today.  (Actually, Alex still had his special needs school to graduate from tomorrow.)  But this preschool is a co-op where my older son, Harrison, attended for 2 years.  The twins just finished their second, and final, year.  So I spent the last 4 years there.  And for the last 3 years, I was a board member.  The preschool is called Sequoia and it is truly a wonderful place!  We’ve made great friends and we all have learned so much there! 

So you would think that today, as the twins accepted their certificates, that I would be crying my eyes out.  After all, they are growing up!  Because of my older son, I know what elementary school is like and it is very different from preschool, especially a co-op preschool, where parents are very involved in the school.  These past years have been so incredibly special.  I got to work (unpaid because it’s a co-op) at the preschool twice a week, along with 5 other parents and 2 teachers every day (I had to work twice a week because I had 2 kids that attended.)  I got to see Alex and Will grow!  Not just educationally, but socially, too.  I felt like I was really involved with their lives.  I’m so lucky that I don’t have to work and that I was able to spend this time with them.  I got to share so many experiences with my little guys!  What blessings! 

But I didn’t shed one tear.  I’m saddened to leave the school.  But I have spent the last (almost) 7 years as a stay at home mom.  And when Alex was diagnosed with Autism 2 years ago, my life just got super busy, juggling 3 kids at 3 different schools.  Having a child with special needs and juggling several weekly therapy appointments.  And then, of course, I have the usual things to take care of (cleaning, cooking, paying bills, etc.)  I’m just tired and I really, really, really need a break.   And when the twins start kindergarten and Harrison starts second grade at the end of August, I’ll finally get a break!  And I think that’s why I didn’t cry today.  My maternal heart sees light at the end of the tunnel.  And I love my boys more than anything in the world and would give up my life for them.  But today, I’m not going to miss those special preschool moments.  Not now.  But after I’ve had a break, and things get busy with elementary schools, my maternal heart will come back full force and I will miss them dearly.  At least, I think I will.  :)